Laaste Gedagte – My Getuienis van Ontsag en Verlange
Wanneer ek terugkyk op hierdie reeks, voel dit vir my asof ons saam ‘n pelgrimstog onderneem het deur die verstand en die hart. Ons het begin met ons blik opgelig na die ware essensie van God: Hy, die Oneindige, die Heilige Skepper wat nie in ons menslike bokse pas nie.
Saam het ons die stowwerige karikature en moderne wanopvattings agtergelaat, daardie vlak beelde van ‘n verre “ou man in die hemel”, en in plaas daarvan ‘n beeld ontdek van ‘n God wat die grondslag van alle werklikheid is. Die Bron van bestaan self.
Ons het deur filosofie en teologie gestap: die vraag hoekom daar iets is eerder as niks; die raaisel van bewussyn, waar ons eie denke ‘n venster geword het op Sy goddelike rede; en uiteindelik die onweerstaanbare verlange na die Oneindige — daardie rustelose hunkering wat ons harte laat klop met ‘n ritme uit ‘n ander wêreld.
Maar vir my, persoonlik, het hierdie reis veel meer geword as ‘n intellektuele avontuur. Dit het my hart aangeraak op ‘n manier wat ek nie verwag het nie. Ek onthou hoe ek, in my eie stil tye van nadenke, gevoel het hoe die argumente lewende fluisteringe van die Heilige Gees word. Ek kyk nie meer na God as ‘n abstrakte onderwerp om te ontleed nie. Hy het vir my die Lewende Een geword, die Vader wat my deur en deur ken en my met genade roep tot ‘n dieper verhouding.
Elke argument, elke Bybelteks, elke aanhaling uit denkers soos Augustinus of Lewis het soos ‘n warm padmerker gevoel — gloeiend met lewe, wat my nader bring aan ‘n Persoon.
En tog, te midde van al hierdie insigte, is daar een ervaring wat vir my die onpeilbaarheid van God se grootheid die meeste tasbaar maak – my herhalende ontmoetings met die skrifberyming “Enigste Here, Enkele Wese…” (Skrifberyming 12-3, ook bekend as Lied 265). Elke keer as ek dit sing, of selfs net die woorde herhaal, word ek oorweldig deur ‘n golf van emosie wat ek nie kan verklaar nie. Die kombinasie van daardie eenvoudige, dog diepgaande lirieke …
“Enigste Here, enkele Wese, ons glo in U met ons hele hart. Heerlik bely ons, vry-uit getuig ons: U is vir ewig God en Heer. U, onbegryplik, U is onsienlik, altyd dieselfde, oneindig groot. U is almagtig, wys en regverdig – U is die bron van alle goed”
.. saam met die aanbiddende melodie en die kollektiewe stemme van medegelowiges, dryf my omtrent elke keer tot trane. Dit is nie bloot sentiment nie; dit is ‘n diep, onverklaarbare aanraking van die Ewige. Die woorde vang God se onpeilbare wese vas – enig, eenvoudig, oneindig – en die musiek, met sy roerende skoonheid, laat my siel vir ‘n oomblik die sluier deurdring en ‘n blik kry op Sy heerlikheid. Dit wek ‘n verlange in my op wat hierdie lewe ver verbygaan: ‘n hunkering na die volmaakte teenwoordigheid waar daar geen meer trane is nie, waar ons Hom van aangesig tot aangesig sal sien. Hierdie ervaring herinner my dat God ‘n Persoon is wat ons harte roer en ons transformeer op maniere wat woorde nie kan vasvang nie.
Ek besef nou dat ontsag vir God ‘n hartsaak is: om in Sy teenwoordigheid stil te staan en te fluister: “Here, U is werklik, U is goed, en U is hiér, by my.” Hierdie ontsag het in my ‘n hunkering laat ontstaan om Hom te ken in Sy volheid, deur Jesus Christus, in wie “die hele volheid van die Godheid liggaamlik woon” (Kolossense 2:9).
Jesus, die Een wat op aarde gestap het, gehuil het, en vir ons gesterf het — Hy maak God tasbaar en naby. In Hom sien ek die Vader wat my nooi om te kom, soos ‘n kind na ‘n omhelsing.
Die God wat ek met my beperkte verstand probeer verstaan, is dieselfde God wat my oneindig liefhet. Hy ken my storie — my vreugdes, my worstelings, my twyfel — en deur Sy Gees roep Hy my tot ‘n lewende verhouding. Hierdie liefde het my verander: dit het my denke verskerp en my liefde vir ander verdiep. Ek merk dit in my gebede, waar ek leer luister; in my verhoudings, waar ek Christus in my naaste sien; en in my swakhede, waar ek leer om op Sy krag te vertrou.
My gebed vir ons almal is dat hierdie verhouding ons hele lewe sal vorm: dat ons God se grootheid beleef in ons alledaagse oomblikke, in die stilte van gebed en in die diens aan ander. Laat ons ons harte oopmaak vir die Gees wat ons nooi om God te ervaar as Vader en Verlosser.
Soos Paulus met passie skryf in Filippense 3:8,10: “Ek ag ook alles as verlies ter wille van die voortreflikheid van die kennis van Christus Jesus, my Here… om Hom te ken en die krag van Sy opstanding en die gemeenskap aan Sy lyde.” Hierdie “kennis” is ‘n liefde wat brand en genees.
En soos Augustinus in sy Confessions bid: “U het ons vir Uself gemaak, o Here, en ons hart is rusteloos totdat dit rus vind in U.” Hierdie rusteloosheid is ‘n geskenk: ‘n herinnering dat ons tuis hoort by Hom.
Hierdie pelgrimstog eindig nie hier nie. Daar lê oneindige dieptes voor, vol van Hom. Kom ons stap verder, met ontsag vir Sy grootheid en met vreugde omdat Hy ons eerste liefgehad het. Want die belofte staan vas: “Dié wat My soek, sal My vind” (Jeremia 29:13). En in daardie vind, vind ons onsself.
Hoër as my hoogste, nader as my innerlikste self – o God, U is my God. Amen.
- Attie Retief, Augustus 2025
A Final Thought – My Testimony of Awe and Longing
When I look back on this series, it feels to me as though we undertook a pilgrimage together through the mind and the heart. We began with our gaze lifted to the true essence of God: He, the Infinite, the Holy Creator who does not fit into our human boxes.
Together we left behind the dusty caricatures and modern misconceptions — those shallow images of a distant “old man in heaven” — and in their place discovered a picture of a God who is the ground of all reality. The Source of existence itself.
We walked through philosophy and theology: the question of why there is something rather than nothing; the riddle of consciousness, where our own thinking became a window onto His divine reason; and ultimately the irresistible longing for the Infinite — that restless yearning that makes our hearts beat with a rhythm from another world.
But for me personally, this journey became much more than an intellectual adventure. It touched my heart in a way I did not expect. I remember how, in my own quiet times of reflection, I felt the arguments become living whispers of the Holy Spirit. I no longer look at God as an abstract subject to be analysed. He has become for me the Living One, the Father who knows me through and through and calls me by grace into a deeper relationship.
Every argument, every Bible text, every quotation from thinkers such as Augustine or Lewis felt like a warm trail marker — glowing with life, bringing me closer to a Person.
And yet, amidst all these insights, there is one experience that makes the fathomless greatness of God most tangible for me — my repeated encounters with the versification “Only Lord, Single Being…” (Skrifberyming 12-3, also known as Lied 265). Every time I sing it, or even just repeat the words, I am overwhelmed by a wave of emotion I cannot explain. The combination of those simple yet profound lyrics…
“Only Lord, single Being, we believe in You with our whole heart. Gloriously we confess, freely we testify: You are God and Lord for ever. You, incomprehensible, You are invisible, always the same, infinitely great. You are almighty, wise and just — You are the source of all good”
… together with the worshipful melody and the collective voices of fellow believers, drives me to tears almost every time. This is not mere sentiment; it is a deep, inexplicable touch of the Eternal. The words capture God’s unfathomable being — unique, simple, infinite — and the music, with its moving beauty, allows my soul for a moment to pierce the veil and catch a glimpse of His glory. It awakens in me a longing that far surpasses this life: a yearning for the perfect presence where there will be no more tears, where we will see Him face to face. This experience reminds me that God is a Person who moves our hearts and transforms us in ways that words cannot capture.
I realise now that awe before God is a matter of the heart: to stand still in His presence and whisper: “Lord, You are real, You are good, and You are here, with me.” This awe has given birth in me to a yearning to know Him in His fullness, through Jesus Christ, in whom “the whole fullness of the Godhead dwells bodily” (Colossians 2:9).
Jesus, the One who walked on earth, wept, and died for us — He makes God tangible and near. In Him I see the Father who invites me to come, like a child to an embrace.
The God whom I try to understand with my limited mind is the same God who loves me infinitely. He knows my story — my joys, my struggles, my doubts — and through His Spirit He calls me into a living relationship. This love has changed me: it has sharpened my thinking and deepened my love for others. I notice it in my prayers, where I am learning to listen; in my relationships, where I see Christ in my neighbour; and in my weaknesses, where I am learning to trust in His strength.
My prayer for all of us is that this relationship will shape our entire lives: that we will experience God’s greatness in our everyday moments, in the silence of prayer and in service to others. Let us open our hearts to the Spirit who invites us to experience God as Father and Redeemer.
As Paul writes with passion in Philippians 3:8,10: “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord… that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings.” This “knowing” is a love that burns and heals.
And as Augustine prays in his Confessions: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in you.” This restlessness is a gift: a reminder that we belong at home with Him.
This pilgrimage does not end here. There are infinite depths ahead, filled with Him. Let us walk further, with awe at His greatness and with joy because He loved us first. For the promise stands firm: “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). And in that finding, we find ourselves.
Higher than my highest, nearer than my inmost self — O God, You are my God. Amen.
- Attie Retief, August 2025